Head jokes

What is the difference between men and women?

Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.

Yo hairline so long, it makes you look like Mr. Clean.

A boy's hairline is always in the back of his head, and its shape is like a check mark.

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

When your plane heads for New York...

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

When I aim this trigger, it all goes red.

Do you have a bounty 'cause you got a "M" on your head?

Your head was mistaken for a chicken wing.

What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?

We don't live in their heads.

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

Roses are red, I like girls from the South, a 425-pound teacher gets suspended after sitting on a kid's head and farting in his mouth.

How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?

Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...