Have jokes

Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a home page!

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Because I know they haven't.

Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?

Answer: A math problem.

Why did the orphan have to eat his cereal with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?

SawCon deez nutz!

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.

I have it.

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."