Have jokes
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
Why doesn't the Chinese have a cricket team?
It's cuz they always eat the bat.
I only have a few friends, like if you relate.
Based on a true story.
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to go to.
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
Why can't Asians have a white baby? Because two wongs don't make a white.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.
What is the difference between men and women?
Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.