Hang jokes
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.