Hang jokes
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."
Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.
DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!
Why are fire trucks big?
To hang out with the firefighters!
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.