Hang

Hang jokes

911, what's your emergency?

Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.

Well, it's not a living room anymore.

Me: Hangs up.

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.

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  • Friend 1: Eyyy gurl

    Me: Hey! (Fake smile)

    Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?

    6 hours later

    Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?

    Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?

    My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

    Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

    Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

    Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

    Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

    Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

    Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

    If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.

    DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!

    So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

    One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

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  • You want to hear a dirty joke?

    This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

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  • Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

    The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

    He grabs a noose.

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