Habit Jokes

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

Habit.

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."

The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."

Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

Ni tshike mbangi bcz ani zaha toilet, nikarhi Ni hlometela out side loko tiniba. Ni hlometela ndzeni ka poto.

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."

He: "Do you smoke after sex?"

She: "I don't know. I've never looked."

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.