Habit jokes
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
Dylan is so stinking when he goes for a poo poo! 😭🤣🤣
How do the Powerpuff Girls vape?
They take a "power puff."
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.