Chuck Norris has been to Mars... that's why there are no signs of life there.
HA Jokes
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large!
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?
A dumpling.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
Why are mountains so funny? Because they're hill-arious! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, very funny!
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
