HA jokes
Why are mountains so funny? Because they're hill-arious! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, very funny!
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Yo mama so fat, she has her own event horizon.
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.