Guy jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked. Lel. I hope you guys like this joke.
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.
Hey guys, it's cake time!
A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"
The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"
The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."
Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.
What's a gay guy should be scared of?
A straight gay!
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
What did the Chinese guy say to the Italian guy?
同性恋球蜥蜴 (translate it)
Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.