Guy jokes

A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.

So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

You think you guys are funny, but look at your hairline. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol. 😂😂😂😂😭😭💀🤨🍆💦👶🏻😈😈😈😈😈😂😂😂😂😂😂👍😳😳😳😭😭😭😭😭😭🤨

What did the fat guy say to the tree?

"Get me some coconuts!"

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

Why were the mushrooms the cool guy at the party? Because he was a fungi.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

You guys are better than a triple-scoop ice cream cone... with sprinkles!

Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!

YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!

All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.

What's that? said the orphans.

Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.

What's the IJK?

I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

Guys, stop making jokes about blind people, they might s... never mind, continue.