Gun

Gun jokes

Fight

    • Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

    Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

  • 1

    • Shot

    • A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.

    The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.

    The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.

    9 years later......

    All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.

  • 5

    • Wife

    • Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

    And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

    And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

  • 3
    • Gun memes

    Enemy

    • There was an enemy with a machine gun.

    My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

    So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

    Burglar

    • A burglar breaks into a weapons engineer's house, hoping to loot the high-tech arsenal. Suddenly, the engineer yells from upstairs, "Hey! Stop right there!"

    The burglar, trying to play tough, screams, "Hands up! I know you've got the goods! Open the armory or I'll shoot!"

    The engineer, trembling, cries, "Okay, okay! Don't shoot! I'll give you everything, even my latest prototype!"

    The burglar, eyes gleaming with greed, demands, "Prove it! Let me see this fancy new gun first!"

    The engineer points to a target range. "It's a plasma blaster," he claims. "Go ahead, give it a shot."

    The burglar aims at the bullseye, pulls the trigger, and—BANG!—the gun fires directly into his own chest.

    As the thief collapses, the engineer cackles, "Surprise! It's not plasma; it's my new 'Reverse-Recoil Special,' specifically designed for uninvited guests!"

  • 0

    • Knife

    • Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?

    A: Because knives don't have barrels.

    Bar

    • A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

    Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

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    • State

    • What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!

    What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!

    What is the state of Texas for? Guns!

    What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)

    What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!

    What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?

    What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!

    What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)

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