Gun

Gun jokes

School

What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.

Child

Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.

School Shooter

When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

Problem

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Self-defense

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

Robbery

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

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  • Teacher

    I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

    Obesity

    One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

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  • Force

    What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

    Special Forces.

    Kurt Cobain

    Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

    His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

    Backpack

    You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

    Pristiano Penaldo

    I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!

    Glock

    Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.

    Bank robbery

    A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

    She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

    He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"