Gun jokes
My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."
I shot her, now we wait.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
your mom
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."