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Gun jokes

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

*Shotguns in a nutshell*

2B: MUST.

4B: ADD.

6B: MORE.

12B: *B A R R E L S*

*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*

DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!

Lancaster: Are you sure about that?

DB: huh?

Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!

DB: WHAT!?

Penta Barrel: I got 5!

DB: *insert becoming uncanny*

Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!

The others: HOW!?

*and that's how an argument started.*

Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

  • 0

    • What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

    They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

  • 1

    • The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

    My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

    AR-15: Who are you?

    Musket: I'm you, but from another timeline.

    During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.

    He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*