My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."
I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.
What do you call a black person scuba diving? A black diver (an armor set from DeepWoken). Did anyone laugh at that, or?? Augh, I guess I'm alone.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair
Guess who likes vegetables now?
There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?
Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
Hey! Guess what? I created a new word!
Plagiarism!
