Guess jokes

Bully: Ha, guess what?

Nerd: What?

Bully: You are adopted.

Nerd: At least I was wanted!

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

I guess the queen ran out of totems of undying.

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Guess!!!!?

My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

I never understood school shooting jokes.

I guess they were aimed at younger audiences.

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?