Guess jokes

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

Mom clean your room Me no it’s my room and I don’t want to clean it Mom you are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter me Well I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now am I you are the Worst like why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter I’m not her OK I am not her so stop Mom do you know what I pushed you out of my hula 43 minutes do not make me hate you because guess what I brought you into the world and I can take you out of it Me bro

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

What did the rapper say when he lost his voice?

"I guess I'll have to drop a SILENT TRACK!"

What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

Sorry if that offended anyone.

“I guess we are going down together!”

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!