Green

Green jokes

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Homeless Man

    • A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

    "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

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    Appearance

    • What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

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    • Green memes
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    Interview

    • Interviewer: What are your strengths?

    Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

    Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

    Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

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    Phone

    • How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

    JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

    Brick

    • What's blue and bad for your teeth?

    A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry), but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth).

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    Emotion

    • There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.

    One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!

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    • Drug

    • Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.

    Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).

    Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.

    Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.

    Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.

    Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.

    MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.

    LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.

    Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.

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