Green jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce in.
Lettuce in who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
What's red, green, and smells like shit?
... Red and green shit.
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
What is green and blue?
Grass and the sky.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
What's green and sticky?
... A stick.
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
Why are Mexicans good at Uno?
They always steal the green card.
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Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!