Green jokes
What is 14 inches long and starts with D?
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
A green bean.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
What's red, green, and smells like shit?
... Red and green shit.
Memes
SOMEONE HELLLLPPPP
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
What is green and blue?
Grass and the sky.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
What's green and sticky?
... A stick.
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.
What do you call a green camel?
My parents left me.
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.