We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
Kamala Harris is so ugly that Joe Biden is shaking hands with invisible people!
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
BIDEN!
"Do you know the Annoying Orange?"
"Yeah, they elected him before Biden!"
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
The d in Africa stands for democracy....
Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.
I was in Russia at a stand up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice though
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
"In my opinion, JFK was the best president." "Why?" "He was very open-minded"
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a kgb badge and says “you two are coming with me for treason.” One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says “Not me.” The third man pulls out a badge and says “Wow? There’s a lot of agents here.”
My name is Joe Biden and I am running for US Senate.
JOE BIDEN
Why can orphans get away from the fbi? Because they dont have a house
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
The pilot that hit the pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole
