Government jokes
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Politics.
The last two presidents of the US.
Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?
Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
I am your leader.
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Communism is actually kinda tight.
Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.