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Government jokes

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?

Therianarchy!

Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.

Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!

JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.

Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:

TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."

Smart kid!

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

What's the difference between Obama and Trump?

Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!