Good jokes
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
Whoever took my dildo,
I hope you're having a good time.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
Why is an orphan good at being naughty?
Because they don't have no one to tell them off.
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*
Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*
A question: When is (my name) happy?
Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*
Answer: Never, only a portion.
Friend: Do you need help?
On a scale of 8 to 10, how good do I look?
I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.
Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.