My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
Good Jokes
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?
Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Have a good summer!
Hi đź‘‹ I have some good
Angel is a good word.
Why did the duck say hi to the other butt?
Because he wanted it to smell good.
Aren't I beary good?
Aren't I badly good?
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
Hi 👋 I have some good idea 💡. What was the best game I’ve [played]?
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?
Everybody knows nothing.
Donald Trump is a good president and not a complete moron.
A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.
