Gonna jokes
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
If you're bored, pull a Technoblade, bully orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
Why is emo grass better than normal grass?
Emo grass is gonna cut themself.
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
Okay, guys. Today we're gonna read the Women's Rights of 1920...
Okay, thanks for watching!
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.
I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?