Shall

Shall jokes

Depression

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

Punishment

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

Toaster

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Toaster

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

Memes

Orphan

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

Boyfriend

Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!

Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.

Meat

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

Orphan

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

Nun

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).

As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.

Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.

He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"

Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."

St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.

"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.

Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.

Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?

Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?

Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"

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  • Position

    "Dad, what is 69?" asks son.

    Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."

    Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"

    Load

    You are shore to find loads of jokes funny even if I can’t kelp you find the right ones.

    Loads of jokes are funny as I’m shore you shall sea.

    Rule

    Rules of dark humor.

    1. Everything shall be touched.

    2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

    Priest

    A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

    To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

    He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

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  • Doctor

    Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

    Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

    Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

    Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

    Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

    Cricket

    Some rules of childhood cricket:

    1. Whose bat, his batting.

    2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

    3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

    People

    These are not funny. Those that are adopted feel hurt by these!

    You shall feel ashamed of yourself!

    Take the L! - Losers

    Sheet

    So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?

    Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"

    Wish

    Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.

    The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j

    Fight

    No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!