God's Will jokes

God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

[God creating a jellyfish]

God: How about an evil bag?

God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.

God, I miss Stephen Hawking.

He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.

Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

I saw a kid crying. I asked him what's wrong, where are your parents? They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

What did God say when he made Jake Paul?

"Oops, I made a mistake."

I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.

Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.