God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
Stephen Hawking said there is no god.
God said there is no Stephen Hawking.
Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.
