A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Thank God I went on the tenth.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
A true God would be godless himself.
God's consciousness: Art.
God's unconsciousness: Christianity.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.
She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm
