I would tell a 9/11 joke but it would probably go up in flames
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why did the booty go to the party?
It heard it was a BASH
What does Cangaball do after eating it’s vegetables Go on eBay to see how much He can sell the Wheelchair for
POV an Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid and the kidnapper called the kids mom then the mom said no its fine my kid got a b he failed and the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failiure
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted I decided to go home
Why did the pirate go to the gym?
To improve his BOOTY STRENGTH
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says: 'Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears, says 'But doctor... I am Pagliacci.'
Why did the ass go to therapy?
It couldn't deal with all the CRAP
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get DE-GREEZ
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree? It died before them
What does Can do after eating it’s vegetables Go on eBay to see how much He can sell the Wheelchair for
I don’t know why I go to the gym being healthy is dying fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says you’re next When we attend aFuneral, I say you’re next
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?" Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me." The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything." The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too."
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get his ICE checked
Why did the alien go to the rap battle?
Because he had some UNEARTHLY rhymes
Why did the rapper go to SCHOOL?
To learn his ABCs (All 'Bout Cash)
