Go jokes

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

In the Robocide, Explain Bear is the first to go.

My respect for you didn't just go through the roof, it touched the fucking sun!

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

Why can’t orphans go to jail? Because they aren’t wanted.

You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

Because he's dead.

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.