Give jokes

Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.

A dwarf walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

What should people do with their floppy dicks?

I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!

Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.

Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.

Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.

I think your hairline might have the hiccups.

Answer to it: You might have to give it a wash in the shower.

I would give you a thrashing, but that would be animal abuse.

Never gonna give you up.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

How do cookies 🍪 give three cheers?

Chip, chip, hooray!

What kind of punch do little kids give to other little kids? The Sandy Hook.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Ha ha! Get rickrolled!

I give you 31 because we will do the 69 later, thanks.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!