Girlfriend Jokes

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant

My girl freind called me a cock sucker but HEY 20 dollars is 20 dollars

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend? One bails her hay and the other heils her bae.

My girl friend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl she said I was cheating but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldnt stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair

Girlfriend: "would still you love me if i was a figment of your imagination" my schizophrenic ass: of course i would

nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users

Man:Can You be my girlfriend? Woman:Im Lesbian, Sorry Man:Oh, Heres your rope

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because They don't need permission from their Parents

My girlfriend asked my whether I was having sex behind her back and I replied "yes who did you think it was".

so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it

DH: I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

Dark..Humor :)

There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato" and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayonnaise all over me.