Girlfriend jokes

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?

A dumpling.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

A: Will you marrow me?

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.