Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Girl Jokes
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.
All school meeting introductions:
Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”
Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”
High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
What's the difference between a girl and a toy? There is no difference because you play with both anyway.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?
He took a girl's innocence.
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?
Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.
Everything is made in China... except for baby girls.
Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?
A knife has a point.
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
