Gift jokes
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.