Get jokes

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.

I had a good night, and I love it when you get a good walk and you get to.

What happens when a pun isn’t funny?

It gets PUNished.

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?

Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?

Everywhere.

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

So it didn't get its nuts wet.

If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?

They never get old.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

One gets picked, and the other doesn't.

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?