Get jokes

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

What's the best part about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Logan Paul left him hanging.

My wife said if I don't get off the computer, she's gonna slam my head into the keyboard, but I think I'll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf.

Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there, the doctor asks him, "Do you have cancer?" Pinocchio replies, "That was very straight up, but no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer." After saying this, his nose grew.

My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.

I asked an emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.