What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?
Because it's male bonding.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
