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I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.

What did the orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because it has no home button.

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?

You get PRICKrolled.

You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?

They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

When does a doctor get mad?

When he runs out of patients!

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

So they can get in the cast!