In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
James: I have a joke. Sex!
Ronny: I don't get it.
James: Exactly.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
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How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
