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How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

Why did the slave go to college?

To get his master's degree.

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

James: I have a joke. Sex!

Ronny: I don't get it.

James: Exactly.

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

The End

What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

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