What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.