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Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
I don't have a joke about Christianity.
I don't want to get crucified.
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.
If you ever get bored, just hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What did the dad say to the kid?
Nothing, he went to get the milk.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"
Kid named Teacher: *
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?