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What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

How did Michael Jackson get away with it?

He's a smooth criminal.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

What did Hitler get for his birthday?

A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.

A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.

Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?

They've been rear-ended too many times.

Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

Dark humor is just like water,

some people get it, some people don't.

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!