Get jokes

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."

Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.

What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?

The vegetable gets picked.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Why don’t cheetahs get married?

They always cheat on each other.

Why can’t orphans get married?

Because they were already given away.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.