Get jokes

Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?

They've been rear-ended too many times.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Why don’t cheetahs get married?

They always cheat on each other.

Why can’t orphans get married?

Because they were already given away.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

What did Hitler get for his birthday?

A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?

The tomato gets picked.