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What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.