Get jokes
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both never get erect.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
Why do orphans hate apples?
Because they get picked over.
Roses are red, chocolate is brown,
I expect nothing and still get let down!
I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.
The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"
That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...
Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
How do you get 1 million followers:
{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
I go to Venus to get a bigger penis.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!