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What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!

But he could only get 1 trade.

Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.

Gwen, do you have to be so happy all the time? Even you don't get the joke!

Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple actually gets picked.

What is an orphan and an apple?

They get picked.

Teacher: Here, have candy.

Kid: No, I’m too fat.

Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

*Next week*

Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog!

What does a terrorist get for Christmas?

A C4.

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

When you are chilling in the World Trade Center, and then you suddenly get airplane WiFi.

My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!