Get jokes

I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.

Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.

Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.

Clarie: It was painful!

Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.

Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!

Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?

Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!

Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?

Dead chicken and dead cow.

My dad said I should look if I could move a log. Well, he had to go get milk.

What is Hawking's number one song? The Beach Boys: "I Get Around."

What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?

Answer: YOUR DAD

If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.

Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?

Because she has to get on her knees.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!

Communist jokes suck... unless everyone gets them.

Why do you go to the bank?

To get money.

When do you run from the bank?

When the cops come.

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!

I had to get my dog. Is it a tree? Was your time and I had fun today after dinner. I had...