Get jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples actually get picked.

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...

Why did the rapper cross the road?

To get to the other side of the TRACK.

What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?

A booty call.

Why did the rapper visit the bank?

To get his RHYME CHECK.

Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.

Why is a rap boat like a dog?

They both get off sniffing assholes.

Why did the rapper go to school?

To get DE-GREEZ.

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

Why don't rappers ever get lost?

Because they always have BARS on their GPS.

Why don't butts get along?

Because they can't stand each other's cheek!

Why don’t rappers ever get cold?

Because they have so many fans!

Why don't booties get invited to parties?

They tend to CRACK people up!

Wait, this is the category "dick." Sorry yours isn't long for yo mama to get fucked up.

Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.

I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

Mom: Okay......

Dad: He's grounded.

Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

Mom: Soon honey, soon....

Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"