Get jokes
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.
With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.
Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.
Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.
A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.
With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.
Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.
But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.
And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
When Sara gets naked in the shower, she turns her taps on :)
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...
Why is an orphan bad at tennis?
'Cause he couldn't get any love.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
What do black people and sports cars have in common?
Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.