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Year

    • They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

  • 7

    • Cheerio

    • The Cheerio Joke

    Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.

    So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.

    The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."

  • 2

    • Prescription

    • A man gets an email from his doctor.

    "Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."

    The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"

  • 4
    • Get memes

    Mom

    • Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!

    I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.

    Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

    But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

    I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

    She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

    Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

    So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

    I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

    I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start.

    She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

    How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

    Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

    She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

    Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young

    To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom.

    Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.

    You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.

    We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that.

    She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black.

    But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.

    Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef

    And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol

    But If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

    She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez.

    Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed.

    She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest

    She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

    She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness

    I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess.

    I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song

    Cause I'm in your house every night doin your mo-om.

    Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I'm havin' sex with your mother

    That makes me better than you.

    I'm havin' sex with your mother

    That makes me better than you.

  • 4

    • Wish

    • Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.

    The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j

  • 0

    • Kidney

    • When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.

    When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!

  • 0

    • WW2

    • Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

  • 1