Get jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.