Get jokes
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
How are orphans and apples different?
One gets picked.
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...
"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"
What did Africa say to the grass? Get off me!
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Ha ha! Get rickrolled!
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*