Get jokes
Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.
Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?
Because he'd lose his sense of smell.
You know what to do with this?
Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus? I lick a lot of pussy.
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!
Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
My dad said I should look if I could move a log. Well, he had to go get milk.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"
The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"
Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always find their way with their flow.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"
Get it?
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.