What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
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What's a bonus of being an orphan?
You can't get homework.
Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Why did the Twin Towers get mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but got plane.
Amber Heard morning schedule:
- Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower
Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?
They don't have parent permission.
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
Why do orphans hate apples?
Because they get picked over.
Did you know an apple and an orphan are different.
An apple gets picked.
What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?
Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!
How do you get the emo girl out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
Why do orphans play tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?
Home Depot.
Where do orphans get stuff from?
The reject shop.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Why do orphans hate playing sports in school?
Because they never get picked.
