Get jokes

Why do orphans start fights?

Because they don't get in trouble at home.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

I go to Venus to get a bigger penis.

Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

What's a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!

“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”

Q: Why did the chef get fired?

A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.

Kid: Why?

Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.

How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?

Use he/him pronouns on him.

How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?

You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.

An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"