Get jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple always gets picked.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?
They always getting hit.
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
Why can't you get water in the North Pole?
Because there is no well.
What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew?
Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.
Trump built a wall that Mexicans can't get over it.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
Why don't orphans get dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.