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What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"

Why did Naruto run fast?

Because he tried to get away from himself.

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

Why was the train late?

It kept getting sidetracked.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

Can emo kids get happy meals?

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?

My dad went to get both and never came back.

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Orphans don't get picked.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Why did the chicken cross the road?...

To get to the other side.

Why do orphans play tennis?

So they can finally get love.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!